I Wrote My Lover a Book

I havent slept in two days. Im manic. The only thing i can hear is the clicking of the clock. I wrote a book last night. Well, early this morning. It was a wonderful feeling until i realized i didnt make myself an extra copy. I dont know why i didnt. It was challenging which is why i went to work at 4 in the morning to use their equipment. It was my love affair of the last 5 months. Compiled in one binding, bounded together with actual journal entries or letters. Im an idiot. I know this. I didnt think about it much on my trip until i realized i dont have a copy. I found a lot of strength in releasing it as there really cant be any confusion now. Baggage i was able to drop off so easy. Like here is an unedited account of how incredible we were together and then because i just couldnt handle 100 benzos we had a fight or soemthing. I honestly dont remember. Im sick about the whole thing. Probably why i cant sleep. Im organizing things from paperclips, pushpins to dimes. I feel im nesting. Getting ready for when my body cant keep saving me. Im glad i wrote the book. Rather shared my insecurities and confessed my adoration for our passionate affair. Maybe its just me. Whatever. Im over it. Im over here arranging my pants by colors and my books by authors last name. Kidding on the last one. Seriously i like the idea of it being done. Maybe one day it can start again. Right now i shouldnt worry about it. Neither should he. I prolly shouldnt have given it to him. But well he cant go without knowing it all. I have no shame. I miss him. I miss a lot of people i dont get to be in their lives. I get by. Im excited to do another book. I have one in mind now. I should never have gotten involved with a lover. But i did. Now its over. I almost died. I have new goals and cant be distracted with him now. Love is not on my priority list at this juncture. But one day i hope to be reunited with him and if not i got 5 great months. And some really good writing material. He says he wants to be friends but well ive read those memes and they are kimd creepy. Like my ex. I dont want to be his friend. Why would i? So who knows whats going to happen. Im leaving it to the universe. Thats how the document came into existence. Maybe its the latuda. I need to sleep. 


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