Happy Ending

Suddenly it occurred to me that I wanted him to be my happy ending. I didn’t want anyone else either known or unknown to me, I wanted him and only him. It no longer was something that I considered to be an option but rather a necessity to life such as breathing-he was that important. There was nothing I did not love about the man and that made me vulnerable. A feeling I did not normally like but with him it bothered me less than ever before. I trusted him. I felt safe with him. It was as if he had always been there which is why I knew that he was the one. There had been other ones prior but they were different than this. They served as lessons in love and not as love themselves. They did not present with perfection as he did. They did not stay to bask in love’s glory because my heart was meant for another more deserving.  Ironically he being the one and me being his one are two different things and again life only mocks me. Allowing me to taste such ecstasy but reminding me it is not mine to devour. It is nothing more than a dream like winning the lottery and he is my Powerball ticket. He is the one I crave. The one I have hurt timelessly for again and again. The one I would continue to hurt for over and over.  The one and the only one I find to have possessed me without inhibitions. For this I might die a happy woman to have known such heights of passion from our loving. Is it because I was not looking to love that it possessed me so effortlessly? It pains me to keep such emotions hidden. My love buried deep inside afraid to be rejected. He could break me so easily. He has complete control over me. Why does love mock me? Why does it deliver to me those who chose not to be loved? Why does it fight me? Why just why for once can’t I just win at love? I want him. I need him. If life has taught me anything it is that he is what I want in love. He is perfect. How is that even possible?

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